I am Stronger Than I Think

This week started out great! I went jogging 4 out 7 days (which is an improvement), jogged at a faster pace and really felt like I worked my ass off in class. When the sweat is dripping into your eyes while i'm stretching, well then I know I'm going to get a good work out! I kept telling myself to dig deep and keep going for it. Try to take fewer breaks or at least make sure my breaks weren't long but Wednesday I hit a wall.

I had a family emergency to deal with that really sent me for a loop both mentally and emotionally. I found myself staring at a past memory of myself and thinking...OMG! This was me for the longest time. Down and miserable, hating the world and believing that nothing would change. Believing that I would never succeed in attaining certain goals I had made for myself and thinking that I such a failure. But the truth is...I never really made an attempt to change for the better. I half assed it a few times and had some great results but through a small obstacle in my way and that was a wrap. I would give up and let every negative comment and thought drown me.

But not this time. This time I literally had to face all that negativity and find a way around it. A way to to see the good in people and in the world and realize that I really am stronger than I think. Not just physically but mentally and emotionally. As I found myself talking about all the negativity that has been a part of my life for so long, it really hit me that I had to make a change but not just for me but to for these 2 little girls in my life that I never understood why they looked up to me but they do. My nieces are the world to me. They are like my little babies and when they are happy, I am happy. When they are sad, i am sad but i didn't realize that it was vice versa. Now I have one that is so angry at the world and full of so much negativity, that it shocks and saddens me becuase i see myself at her age and to be honest, I am still like that now. But thanks to boot camp and all the exercising, I've gotten better. I'm more active and happier and all this damn serotonin flowing through my body makes me feel so positive about everything.

So I've set a new goal, that is not just for the remainder of the test group but for the rest of my life. I want to be that happier person not just for myself but for my girls. I want them to see that life can bring you down sometimes but you can't let it keep you there forever. You have to find ways to deal with it and move on. Positive changes affect others more than negativity. And by exercising, eating healthier, that is what is working for me and I want them to see to that.

So when life gives me lemons, I'm buying some salt, a bottle of tequila and calling my friends over for a party....after a long jog!