The End is Here...or is it?

The end of the challenge is here and I'm ready for the next chapter in this adventure. I'm not ready for this to be the end and I know I'm not alone! Sure, I had days that I didn't want to go to class and I'm sure there will be days like that in the future but I'm going to keep pushing. Maybe I can inspire someone else to take that step and make a change.

When I first started this challenge, I was hesitant. I wasn't sure if I would be able to stay commited to this program. There were days that I wanted to stay home and relax my achy muscles. But as time went by, I figured out a way to ease the ache and keep going back. The more I pushed the easier it was to keep going. I started feeling better and seemed to have an endless amount of energy. I was so happy with the changes not only to my body but personality, that I've become an endless plug about bootcamp to others. I've managed to get 3 people to come with me and they loved it so much, they want to keep coming back.

Two months and 12 pounds later, I feel better than I have in a long time. I started this challenge wanting to lose 25 pounds by the end of the year and I am half way there. Losing a pound and half week has not only been great but healthy. I'll be able to keep those pounds of longer and hopefully, reach my goal by the end of the year. So i'm going to keep coming back and pushing hard becuase I am stronger than I think I am. I'm going to keep running and showing up to bootcamp a minimum of 3 days a week. My challenge continues!

I'll see you in class!

Positivity,,,it's not too bad!

Last week, I was determined to have a good week. I was determined to stay positive, work hard and enjoy everyday to the fullest and I sure did. I wasn't going to let the negativity of others or myself bring me down and it worked. It really worked. Usually, something will happen that will make me want to withdraw and hide fromt the world so that I could mope around by myself but I not this week. When not one, not two but three separate incidents tried to get in my way and tried to set me off course, I said NO and kept pushing. On Tuesday when Tracye couldn't make it for my jog,  I could have backed out but when I startined debating with myself about going and looking forward to backing out, I went anyways. On Thursday, when i thought I was going to jog by myself, i talked a coworker into joining and going to class. I'll let my body rest but i won't let it get comfortable. I've worked to hard these past few months to give up easily.

Even when it comes to my diet...no, i don't want to use that word anymore...DIET...what a horrible word. It's so noncommittal and I'm not on a diet, I'm making a lifestyle change. I'm eating healthier and making sure that if I want to eat some thing with more calories, I work hard to burn it off. Yes, I had a burger before going to see "Othello"on Friday night, but instead of hailing a cab from the restaurant to the theatre, I walked and in heels! And I LOVED IT! The night was great, the breeze refreshing and surrounsing me with the smells of fall in the city and i enjoyed a great conversation with my friend!

I am now beginning to see the difference in my body. I see those numbers every weigh in, get smaller but I could never see it the mirror, that is until now. My face looks so much thinner and my legs are pretty much all muscle. My arms...the one part of my body that causes me so much displeasure and embarrasment, are firmer, muscular and not so grotesque looking. Hell, I may even wear a tank top this summer! People have noticed a change in my body and attitude. I seem to have an endless amount of energy some days and am always bouncing around the office. But let me kid you not, I still need that cup of coffee in the morning but now I can enjoy instead of depending on it for a boost.

My brother, who I want to inspire so that he will begin to take care of himself again, has begun going for walks with me and my dog and is really paying more attention to what he eats. I'm so happy and this gives me the push to keep going. The drive to not give up and let life keep me down. I'm not going to let my sadness run my life anymore. I'm going to fight it and WIN!

This is the final week coming up and though it saddens me to know that the end is here, I'm know it's not really the end. I've met some great people that are determined to continue the good fight and if they want company, I'm here! I'm in for the long haul and I know I can't do this by myself, So if you inspire me, I'm going to try to inspire you!  So, i'm going to push hard, sweat my butt off and dig deep because I'm in this for the long haul!

Hmmmm....

During the week, I'll hear something or something will happen to me that will inspire my next blog but this week. Sadly, I don't know what to share but that fact I'm worried. I realize with every week that finishes that the end is so close. Too close for me. This whole week I've continued to work and watch what I eat. Avoid the doughnuts that people bring, bagels, fast food and make sure i eat my calories. I've pushed hard in class and continue to improve jogging pace but now I wonder, will I keep going? Can I keep pushing myself to eat right and exercise with out any accountability? Let's face it. I can't hold myself accountable. I'm weak, so I need to find something that will keep me strong and on the right course.

So that's my goal for the next two weeks. Not just to keep doing what I'm doing by working out and eating right, but really focus and on why i'm doing this and commit to a plan for success! I have my first 5k in after Thanksgiving so that'll keep me going for a little while but I need to think long term.

I am Stronger Than I Think

This week started out great! I went jogging 4 out 7 days (which is an improvement), jogged at a faster pace and really felt like I worked my ass off in class. When the sweat is dripping into your eyes while i'm stretching, well then I know I'm going to get a good work out! I kept telling myself to dig deep and keep going for it. Try to take fewer breaks or at least make sure my breaks weren't long but Wednesday I hit a wall.

I had a family emergency to deal with that really sent me for a loop both mentally and emotionally. I found myself staring at a past memory of myself and thinking...OMG! This was me for the longest time. Down and miserable, hating the world and believing that nothing would change. Believing that I would never succeed in attaining certain goals I had made for myself and thinking that I such a failure. But the truth is...I never really made an attempt to change for the better. I half assed it a few times and had some great results but through a small obstacle in my way and that was a wrap. I would give up and let every negative comment and thought drown me.

But not this time. This time I literally had to face all that negativity and find a way around it. A way to to see the good in people and in the world and realize that I really am stronger than I think. Not just physically but mentally and emotionally. As I found myself talking about all the negativity that has been a part of my life for so long, it really hit me that I had to make a change but not just for me but to for these 2 little girls in my life that I never understood why they looked up to me but they do. My nieces are the world to me. They are like my little babies and when they are happy, I am happy. When they are sad, i am sad but i didn't realize that it was vice versa. Now I have one that is so angry at the world and full of so much negativity, that it shocks and saddens me becuase i see myself at her age and to be honest, I am still like that now. But thanks to boot camp and all the exercising, I've gotten better. I'm more active and happier and all this damn serotonin flowing through my body makes me feel so positive about everything.

So I've set a new goal, that is not just for the remainder of the test group but for the rest of my life. I want to be that happier person not just for myself but for my girls. I want them to see that life can bring you down sometimes but you can't let it keep you there forever. You have to find ways to deal with it and move on. Positive changes affect others more than negativity. And by exercising, eating healthier, that is what is working for me and I want them to see to that.

So when life gives me lemons, I'm buying some salt, a bottle of tequila and calling my friends over for a party....after a long jog!

Digging Deep....oh motivation, you really screwed me this time!

Digging deep is supposed to be this motivational little trigger that helps you not give and keep pushing towards the end. Normally, when I  hear Maia yell "Dig Deep", I'll push past the pain and keep going till the end but not this week. I hear dig deep and I would just be like, nope, nowhere else to go but down into this hole of despair that I seemed to keeping digging for myself.

This past week has been so off for me when it came to working out. Mentally, physically and emotionally I have been so exhausted. There were times during boot camp that I had to fight the urge to just quit in the middle of class and go home. Why? I really don't know to be honest but it was something that I couldn't shake and for little while, I wasn't trying to deal with. i can honestly say that I was going through the motions and only thought about going home and sleeping...or to be completely honest...vegging out in front of the TV. Every time my knees twinged, or my body ached in some way, I just wanted to quit. But I didn't....and for that, I'm thankful.

I know that if I quit, it will be a long while before I make another attempt at really focusing on me. I joined this test group excited and determined to lose weight. Now it's the half way mark and i can begin to hear the negative side of me start whispering in my ear. Telling me that I should just give up because nothing works and nothing is changing. Every time I stand in the mirror, it tells me that the pounds are still there and not going away. Every negative thing you can imagine has gone through my head to the point that it was helping me dig my own hole faster to the point where I swear, China was only a few more feet away. But no more...Thursday, I went for a 2.5 mile jog/walk with Tracye and Ashley and it did wonders. Every time my knees hurt, my breathing was off or my side cramped, I could hear this running commentary full of negativity and can I just say that enough is enough. With every step that I took and every negative comment I heard, I would just say "Fuck you, I can do this" or "Fuck you, I will do this" and I did. After that jog, I felt my energtic then I have in awhile. Before class started, I pictured myself in this hole I had made and realized that there was a ladder. A ladder that was going to take me out of this pit of despair and into the light full of positivity and determination. So goodbye hole to China and hello motivation! Thank you for coming back!

Now that the whole team is together and in the right frame of mind, I'm going to push myself a little more. I'm going to up my cardio to 5x a week. I'm going to try a few mornings, which is a BIG deal if you knew me. I am not in any shape or form a morning person but if this is the push I need, well, then that's what I have to do. Even if my allergies are beginning to bother me....hello Benadryl!

My eating habits have gotten better. I'm trying harder to eat all my 1400 calories for the day. You would think it's easy to do that but surprisingly, its not. For me, it's always a guessing game of what to eat that will keep me feeling fuller and satisfied longer. When I was on weightwatchers, it was odd how easy it was to control my eating and lose the weight but I can depend on a program like that forever. I can do it and I know I can.

So if you're having an off week like I had and feel like you're digging a hole to China, stop and remember that this is for you. There are always going to be ups and downs but you'll get over it, Trust me. It took me a long time to realize this. If I can do it, so can you!

Halfway there or halfway done?!?!

Another week has come and gone and I realize that this test group will be ending before i know it. I'm half way to the end of this wonderful experiment but i've only just begun my personal journey.

This week I decided to step up my cardio thanks to some advice from Maia. I decided to meet up with Tracey and Ashley for a preclass jog. A jog that turned out to be 3.2 miles of hills! Can I get an OW?!?!? Talk about really pushing myself! The first time i did it, I lost sight of them and fell way behind. The second time, I was determined to keep Tracye with in my eyesight and it really helped me improve my time drastically. I don't know if my time will be better  this week but even if I can keep shaving off a few seconds here and there, I'll be happy. I hate feeling like there is no change or standing still. I was like that for too long and I don't ever want to go back to that dark place.

I think this is something that I am going to keep up. Its the cardio that I really hope will help me lose some more pounds. I know that thanks to bootcamp, I've lost fat and gained muscle...:LOTS of muscle. I can see that my arms and legs are tightening up but the place that I so really want to see a diffference in, I'm not. I know that I shouldn't be discouraged. The fact that my clothes are fitting so much looser should be a clear indicator of the fact that I am losing weight but sometimes its not. Deep down, i know it's all in my head and that's why I'm so thankful for my family and friends that keep supporting meand saying encouraging things to me so that i don't give up. It helps me ignore all those people that think I'm crazy for pushing myself so hard but i don't know any other way. Sure there have been days where I have no motivation to work out but I do it. i don't want to quit. I want to keep pushing! i know that once this test group is over, i'll have to learn to push myself again but I look at this experience as that head start to get me started and put my head on the right path. i have to remind myself that thanks to boot camp, i have more energy, I can look at myself in the mirror and say...man, you look good and really mean it. If i think posivtively, positive things can happen.

Last week's goal was to make sure that i are my calories and kept track of them and I am glad to report that i did. I downloaded myfitnesspal.com and really made sure to track everything that I ate. i didn't realize that I was under eating my calories so often. That really explains why when I got home, all I wanted to do was eat and not stop. Now, i make sure i eat 95% of my calories before class and then end the day with protien (shake or bar). Just these few simple changes and i've noticed that it is easier to control the hunger cravings and make sure my body is properly fueled. I even noticed that my water intake has increased, which is great because come on, when is it ever bad to have TOO much water?

Monday, I hope for some good results. I hope to see a few more inches lost and hopefully some pounds also, If there are no big numbers, I'm going to remind myself something that Maia told me. "i can't expect to lose what i gained in a few months over a few weeks." I'll use it all as motivation to keep pushing and trying. i want to incorporate some more jogging and really try harder in class. I would like to see that I can do maybe 15 pushups instead of just 7 and things like that.

So until tomorrow night, i'm going to stay calm, positive, jog before work and be ready to sweat my ass off in class!

Oh motivation...you are such a bitch!

Yes, I'm talking to you, motivation! You come and go and leave me wondering how long you'll last! But guess what?!? I don't always need you! This whole week I have felt like crap and instead of going to boot camp, I would have preferred to go home, get in my comfy clothes and veg out on the couch because you weren't around. But I didn't cave! I went to class all 4 days and worked hard! I wasn't going to let you hold me back! I hope you read this and realize that no longer am I relying on such a fickle part of me but also listening to my body and heart who have joined up against you and are determined to push me! Motivation, you better come hurry back because my will power is going to beat your ass!

If it wasn't for my will power, i would have had that cake, that second beer or all that candy but I didn't. Even when i felt down, I kept going. I tried to stay focus and remember that all this is for me. And not just any old me, but a new and improved me! Even when I just wanted to give up, will power wouldn't let me. When I felt like nothing was working, will power reminded me that the change would come and I had to be patient.

Will power got me off my ass on Saturday to run 3 miles and man, did i run! With the help of my knee bands, I jogged for such a longer period of time that I had to improvise at the last minute and run in a new direction because i had only been outside for 25 minutes. My breathing was on track and my pace was great!

But with your help motivation, I can do so much better! I'll jog farther and for a longer period of time without feeling winded. 3 miles!?!? Let's go for 4 next week! Maia says more cardio will help me lose the weight so let's work on it together! Let's get together and focus on making sure to track everything i eat on myfitnesspal and add more cardio to my routine as well as more water. I can never have enough water!

You know, with you and will power together, not only are you helping me but inspiring those around me. My brother has been making the effort to hit the gym and walk more. Even making sure to eat healthier. If I can keep this up, hopefully he will, too! We both need this and you know it! He's not the only one that's noticed the improvements! People are noticing how much more energy I have and how much weight I've lost. Whenever I put on clothes and see how much looser they are, i do a happy dance! I don't want to stop my happy dance! Tracye finally said I have an ass!!! YEAH!!!

Let's do this! You, will power, determination and me will be unstoppable if we stick together! Eating right, working out and pushing through this! We can do it! 3 weeks down and 5 to go to make a difference! We can do it!

Waiting for my results...

This past week has been crazy with all the raining and flooding. At the rate it was going, I thought I would have to swim my way around town. That would have been my cardio of the week! Even with all the craziness, I still managed to get to bootcamp and workout on my own.

My knee still isn't back to normal but it's on its way. Every class I went to and any extra workouts I did, I kept trying to push myself to work hard. When I felt a twinge of pain, I could have stopped and just done the modified version but that's not me. I want to lose weight, get back in to shape and be healthier...happier. So I breathe through the pain and keep working, but I always make sure to listen to my body. I want to continue my journey and not end it becuase of an injury.

I hate being hurt. It makes me feel that the next time I am measured there won't be any change. I know intellectually that that won't be the case but I can't help it. As I ice my knee, it's like an inner battle in my head that i deal with. My friends and family tell me that they can see I've lost weight and they keep pushing me to give up. My brother has een been inspired enough to accompany  me during my cardio workouts and eat healhier. The fact that I'm inspiring him is amazing. We've always struggled with our weight but knowing that the changes that i'm making help him...that's fantastic. All the support is encouraging and reminds me why I'm doing this. I'm not doing this just for myself but for others who feel like they can do it. If I can do it, any one can do it. I'd rather be in the house watching TV or reading a book after work or on the weekends but instead, i workout or do something active. This weekend, for example, I spent 6 hours in the back yard breaking down branches, cutting the grass and other yardwork. Something i would spend as little time as possible doing before but not now. I feel anxious and bored if I don't DO something.

Food is still an issue. i need to try harder to eat smaller amounts of food and more often but at times, I'm so busy that time literally runs away from me. By the time I eat lunch, I'm starving and practically trying to swallow my food whole. On weekends, there are times that I'm just not hungry and before i know it, it's 7pm and again, I'm starving. I know better than that. I really do. I just need to focus and not let myself get to that point becuase when I do, I'm not thinking properly. I won't always go for the healthy option but I'll choose whatever I can eat right away. It doesn't mean that I always eat poorly. I'm thankful that every day I pack lunch, dinner and my snacks so that I won't pass my daily caloric intake but instead of spreading it all out for the day, I'll eat two times and call it a day.

My goals this week is not only to keep pushing myself to do better and take care of my knee, but to make sure i eat better. I want to make sure that I lose weight and improve every week and I know that working out will help but eating right will be what helps make a difference in my numbers. I need to focus and if I have to, set up some type of alarm to remind to eat every 3 hours!

I'm anxious for tomorrow. I know that after my measurements are taken, there will be a difference and even if it is small, I need to stay positive and work hard. It's not a race...this is for the long haul.

First Week!

First week of the boot camp down!!!

The first class was INTENSE but i felt the burn and came back for more. The fact that the first class didn't scare me away is a good sign. Unforunately, my knee is mad at me for pushing so hard out of our comfort zone and is protesting by swelling up. I plan on resting and icing it during this 3 day weekend because i want to come back and work harder. I refuse to let my knee hold me back. So even though i should take it easy,  I'm still going to head out with my jogging partner aka Maddie (my dog) and get some miles in.

So, no crazy calorie intake since i won't be able to burn them off. This means...ONE glass of wine tonight at the party and getting to the know veggie platter really well. *sigh* One glass of wine....this should be interesting!