The End is Here...or is it?

The end of the challenge is here and I'm ready for the next chapter in this adventure. I'm not ready for this to be the end and I know I'm not alone! Sure, I had days that I didn't want to go to class and I'm sure there will be days like that in the future but I'm going to keep pushing. Maybe I can inspire someone else to take that step and make a change.

When I first started this challenge, I was hesitant. I wasn't sure if I would be able to stay commited to this program. There were days that I wanted to stay home and relax my achy muscles. But as time went by, I figured out a way to ease the ache and keep going back. The more I pushed the easier it was to keep going. I started feeling better and seemed to have an endless amount of energy. I was so happy with the changes not only to my body but personality, that I've become an endless plug about bootcamp to others. I've managed to get 3 people to come with me and they loved it so much, they want to keep coming back.

Two months and 12 pounds later, I feel better than I have in a long time. I started this challenge wanting to lose 25 pounds by the end of the year and I am half way there. Losing a pound and half week has not only been great but healthy. I'll be able to keep those pounds of longer and hopefully, reach my goal by the end of the year. So i'm going to keep coming back and pushing hard becuase I am stronger than I think I am. I'm going to keep running and showing up to bootcamp a minimum of 3 days a week. My challenge continues!

I'll see you in class!

Positivity,,,it's not too bad!

Last week, I was determined to have a good week. I was determined to stay positive, work hard and enjoy everyday to the fullest and I sure did. I wasn't going to let the negativity of others or myself bring me down and it worked. It really worked. Usually, something will happen that will make me want to withdraw and hide fromt the world so that I could mope around by myself but I not this week. When not one, not two but three separate incidents tried to get in my way and tried to set me off course, I said NO and kept pushing. On Tuesday when Tracye couldn't make it for my jog,  I could have backed out but when I startined debating with myself about going and looking forward to backing out, I went anyways. On Thursday, when i thought I was going to jog by myself, i talked a coworker into joining and going to class. I'll let my body rest but i won't let it get comfortable. I've worked to hard these past few months to give up easily.

Even when it comes to my diet...no, i don't want to use that word anymore...DIET...what a horrible word. It's so noncommittal and I'm not on a diet, I'm making a lifestyle change. I'm eating healthier and making sure that if I want to eat some thing with more calories, I work hard to burn it off. Yes, I had a burger before going to see "Othello"on Friday night, but instead of hailing a cab from the restaurant to the theatre, I walked and in heels! And I LOVED IT! The night was great, the breeze refreshing and surrounsing me with the smells of fall in the city and i enjoyed a great conversation with my friend!

I am now beginning to see the difference in my body. I see those numbers every weigh in, get smaller but I could never see it the mirror, that is until now. My face looks so much thinner and my legs are pretty much all muscle. My arms...the one part of my body that causes me so much displeasure and embarrasment, are firmer, muscular and not so grotesque looking. Hell, I may even wear a tank top this summer! People have noticed a change in my body and attitude. I seem to have an endless amount of energy some days and am always bouncing around the office. But let me kid you not, I still need that cup of coffee in the morning but now I can enjoy instead of depending on it for a boost.

My brother, who I want to inspire so that he will begin to take care of himself again, has begun going for walks with me and my dog and is really paying more attention to what he eats. I'm so happy and this gives me the push to keep going. The drive to not give up and let life keep me down. I'm not going to let my sadness run my life anymore. I'm going to fight it and WIN!

This is the final week coming up and though it saddens me to know that the end is here, I'm know it's not really the end. I've met some great people that are determined to continue the good fight and if they want company, I'm here! I'm in for the long haul and I know I can't do this by myself, So if you inspire me, I'm going to try to inspire you!  So, i'm going to push hard, sweat my butt off and dig deep because I'm in this for the long haul!

Hmmmm....

During the week, I'll hear something or something will happen to me that will inspire my next blog but this week. Sadly, I don't know what to share but that fact I'm worried. I realize with every week that finishes that the end is so close. Too close for me. This whole week I've continued to work and watch what I eat. Avoid the doughnuts that people bring, bagels, fast food and make sure i eat my calories. I've pushed hard in class and continue to improve jogging pace but now I wonder, will I keep going? Can I keep pushing myself to eat right and exercise with out any accountability? Let's face it. I can't hold myself accountable. I'm weak, so I need to find something that will keep me strong and on the right course.

So that's my goal for the next two weeks. Not just to keep doing what I'm doing by working out and eating right, but really focus and on why i'm doing this and commit to a plan for success! I have my first 5k in after Thanksgiving so that'll keep me going for a little while but I need to think long term.

I am Stronger Than I Think

This week started out great! I went jogging 4 out 7 days (which is an improvement), jogged at a faster pace and really felt like I worked my ass off in class. When the sweat is dripping into your eyes while i'm stretching, well then I know I'm going to get a good work out! I kept telling myself to dig deep and keep going for it. Try to take fewer breaks or at least make sure my breaks weren't long but Wednesday I hit a wall.

I had a family emergency to deal with that really sent me for a loop both mentally and emotionally. I found myself staring at a past memory of myself and thinking...OMG! This was me for the longest time. Down and miserable, hating the world and believing that nothing would change. Believing that I would never succeed in attaining certain goals I had made for myself and thinking that I such a failure. But the truth is...I never really made an attempt to change for the better. I half assed it a few times and had some great results but through a small obstacle in my way and that was a wrap. I would give up and let every negative comment and thought drown me.

But not this time. This time I literally had to face all that negativity and find a way around it. A way to to see the good in people and in the world and realize that I really am stronger than I think. Not just physically but mentally and emotionally. As I found myself talking about all the negativity that has been a part of my life for so long, it really hit me that I had to make a change but not just for me but to for these 2 little girls in my life that I never understood why they looked up to me but they do. My nieces are the world to me. They are like my little babies and when they are happy, I am happy. When they are sad, i am sad but i didn't realize that it was vice versa. Now I have one that is so angry at the world and full of so much negativity, that it shocks and saddens me becuase i see myself at her age and to be honest, I am still like that now. But thanks to boot camp and all the exercising, I've gotten better. I'm more active and happier and all this damn serotonin flowing through my body makes me feel so positive about everything.

So I've set a new goal, that is not just for the remainder of the test group but for the rest of my life. I want to be that happier person not just for myself but for my girls. I want them to see that life can bring you down sometimes but you can't let it keep you there forever. You have to find ways to deal with it and move on. Positive changes affect others more than negativity. And by exercising, eating healthier, that is what is working for me and I want them to see to that.

So when life gives me lemons, I'm buying some salt, a bottle of tequila and calling my friends over for a party....after a long jog!

Digging Deep....oh motivation, you really screwed me this time!

Digging deep is supposed to be this motivational little trigger that helps you not give and keep pushing towards the end. Normally, when I  hear Maia yell "Dig Deep", I'll push past the pain and keep going till the end but not this week. I hear dig deep and I would just be like, nope, nowhere else to go but down into this hole of despair that I seemed to keeping digging for myself.

This past week has been so off for me when it came to working out. Mentally, physically and emotionally I have been so exhausted. There were times during boot camp that I had to fight the urge to just quit in the middle of class and go home. Why? I really don't know to be honest but it was something that I couldn't shake and for little while, I wasn't trying to deal with. i can honestly say that I was going through the motions and only thought about going home and sleeping...or to be completely honest...vegging out in front of the TV. Every time my knees twinged, or my body ached in some way, I just wanted to quit. But I didn't....and for that, I'm thankful.

I know that if I quit, it will be a long while before I make another attempt at really focusing on me. I joined this test group excited and determined to lose weight. Now it's the half way mark and i can begin to hear the negative side of me start whispering in my ear. Telling me that I should just give up because nothing works and nothing is changing. Every time I stand in the mirror, it tells me that the pounds are still there and not going away. Every negative thing you can imagine has gone through my head to the point that it was helping me dig my own hole faster to the point where I swear, China was only a few more feet away. But no more...Thursday, I went for a 2.5 mile jog/walk with Tracye and Ashley and it did wonders. Every time my knees hurt, my breathing was off or my side cramped, I could hear this running commentary full of negativity and can I just say that enough is enough. With every step that I took and every negative comment I heard, I would just say "Fuck you, I can do this" or "Fuck you, I will do this" and I did. After that jog, I felt my energtic then I have in awhile. Before class started, I pictured myself in this hole I had made and realized that there was a ladder. A ladder that was going to take me out of this pit of despair and into the light full of positivity and determination. So goodbye hole to China and hello motivation! Thank you for coming back!

Now that the whole team is together and in the right frame of mind, I'm going to push myself a little more. I'm going to up my cardio to 5x a week. I'm going to try a few mornings, which is a BIG deal if you knew me. I am not in any shape or form a morning person but if this is the push I need, well, then that's what I have to do. Even if my allergies are beginning to bother me....hello Benadryl!

My eating habits have gotten better. I'm trying harder to eat all my 1400 calories for the day. You would think it's easy to do that but surprisingly, its not. For me, it's always a guessing game of what to eat that will keep me feeling fuller and satisfied longer. When I was on weightwatchers, it was odd how easy it was to control my eating and lose the weight but I can depend on a program like that forever. I can do it and I know I can.

So if you're having an off week like I had and feel like you're digging a hole to China, stop and remember that this is for you. There are always going to be ups and downs but you'll get over it, Trust me. It took me a long time to realize this. If I can do it, so can you!